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Legal Disclaimer:

This humor does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat; don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; Copyright (C) 1994, 1995 Joker's Wild; all rights reserved;

This document is distribution copyrighted to the extent that you may distribute this posting and all its associated parts freely but you may not make a profit from it or include the article or parts of it in commercial publications, or as part of any fee-based services or products; further redistributions only allowed unedited and in its entirety by electronic transfer (anonymous FTP, Gopher, WWW and mail servers), storage media, and printed copy as long as this notice is included and no monetary fee is charged;

Jokes subject to change without notice; text is slightly enlarged to show detail; resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and coincidental; all models are over 18 years of age; dry clean only; do not bend, fold, or mutilate; anchovies or jalapenos added to jokes upon request; your mileage may vary; no substitutions are allowed; for a limited time only while supplies last; Offer void where prohibited;

Humor is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; equal opportunity joke employer; no shoes, no shirt, no jokes; caveat emptor; read at your own risk; jokes may contain material some readers find objectionable; parental advisory: explicit lyrics;

Keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; ask us about our guns-for-jokes trade-in plan; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; action figures sold separately; jokes were packed full, contents may have settled during mailing; sanitized and sealed for your protection;

Do not use if safety seal is broken; do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment; safety goggles may be required during use; call before you dig; use only with proper ventilation; for external use only; if a swelling, redness, rash, or irritation develops, and you don't discontinue use you totally deserve a swelling, redness, rash, or irritation;

Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; keep away from open flames; avoid inhaling fumes or contact with mucous membranes; joke contents under pressure, may explode if incinerated; smoking these jokes may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh;

Text is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no animals were used to test the hilarity of these jokes; no salt, MSG, preservatives, artificial color or flavor added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a comedian;

Jokes are ribbed for your pleasure; slippery when wet; must be 18 to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawal; one size fits all; joke offer is valid only at participating Internet sites; slightly higher south of the Bombays;

Allow four to six weeks for delivery; if defects are found, do not try to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized joke service center; please remain seated until the jokes have come to a complete stop; jokes in the mirror may be funnier than they appear;

This disclaimer does NOT cover hurricanes, drug overdoses, stress, lawyers of any kind, small bombs, large bombs, sheer stupidity, floods, earthquakes, dangerous streets, dangerous pilots and other Acts of God, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, unauthorized repair, improper installation, misuse, typos, misspelled words, missing or altered signatures, and incidents owing to computer or disk failure, accidental file deletions, or milk coming out of your nose due to laughing while drinking; other restrictions may apply.

If something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.





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